No really, I was walking around Dollar Shrub (that's a Dollar Tree store, but since I live in Cowtown, USA, it's much smaller than the decent sized Dollar Tree stores in real places. At least they keep the prices the same though) and I was in desperate need of a new shower curtain. My old shower curtain had suddenly become a wellspring of life, and had a nice little ecosystem going. “Give my creation…….. LIFE!”, I shrieked at the sky with my head thrown back, as thunder and lightning boiled overhead.
Actually, I said “Eegads!”, or something similarly epic, and hurled the old one into yonder trashcan. It was covered with black slime. Seriously, if someone were to program a game called “Sim: Shower Curtain Mold”, mine would be the high score that comes pre-programmed into the game. The score nobody can ever beat.
So anyway, back to Dollar Shrub, and here I am looking at different shower curtains and agonizing over which one to buy. So many choices! So many colors! One size fits all! I finally started looking at what “features” each one might offer. This one has magnets in it, but this other one, while not being magnetized in any way, is made from “luxurious premium vinyl”. What to do… what to do…………
And then I saw it.
I found one that fit in nicely with the color scheme of my bathroom (Cookie Monster Blue) and was WATERPROOF. Yes, the label claimed in large, friendly letters, that this particular shower curtain was WATERPROOF! I looked at all of the other shower curtains the Shrub had to offer……. nope, none of them waterproof. That decided it for me. I would purchase the waterproof shower curtain, and we'd all agree it was the best one ever.
I suppose I am lucky. Man oh man, if I had snagged one of those shower curtains that is potentially ruined by water, I could be in serious trouble. The curtains that were not waterproof were supposed to be “luxurious premium vinyl”, but they may as well have been suede. Not that you'd get a suede shower curtain for a buck, mind you.
So I hung it up and the cat and I both stood back and looked at it and it looks great. No black slime. Nothing nasty. I am sure everyone still reading this is relieved to know this (you know who you are). I showered this morning with no fear, none whatsoever, of my shower curtain being ruined by water. Life is good.
Alas, I did have to face some ickiness this morning. My cat has taken up a hobby, which is fishing used Q-tips out of the trash and eating the used cotton ends. I find little white sticks all over the house, the ends chewed, presumed eaten. This is especially gross, as my ears seem to form life quicker than my shower curtain. If you were to take a quarter inch long piece of a McDonald's French fry, and stick it on the end of a white stick about 3 inches long, you pretty much get what I discover each and every day! Not only that…………
Ok, I think I need to end this crappy little article now before I break off on another stupid idea. Still, when you find yourself in a world that has to advertise Waterproof shower curtains, it does pull reality out from under you like a fungus covered bath mat.
Enjoy those fries.
Dr. Torgo