I was sitting in front of the television one night (the other screen I gawk at for hours when I'm not perched in front of my Amiga), watching a particularly good episode of Star Trek- The Next Generation, when some strange thoughts began rattling through my head. As I watched the actors go through their paces (I watched Marina Sirtis the closest), I began thinking about the ship's computer.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not one of these people who are so many zip codes removed from reality that I think Captain Picard, Tribbles and Romulans actually exist, but I do believe that science fiction holds the key to some of our future's reality (or is that reality's future?). So anyway, here's what happens. The Enterprise encounters an alien intelligence from a couple zillion stone throws away, and aside from the fact that they speak perfect English, the Enterprise's computer system is 100% compatible with the alien's system! Can you imagine that, 100% compatible! Now I for one believe that "100% Compatible", (when talking about computers) is THE BIG BIG LIE! It's the computer world equivalent of "the check's in the mail","easy to assemble" or "She means nothing to me, we're just friends".
So I put two and two together and instead of coming up with 14 like I usually do, I came up with some interesting thoughts. If the people of good ol' Mother Earth are so amazingly primitive that they will argue to the point of shouting, name calling and nose-thumbing over computer nuances, how can we even come close to achieving harmony with bizzare alien races if we should someday encounter some? I can almost see the scenario now.....
Worf: "Captain we have visual contact with the alien vessel. They are hailing us."
Picard: "On Screen" (The image of the leader of a proud race of Tube Sock-like beings appears) "Greetings, I am Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise."
Alien: "I am Peptobismal, leader of the people of Farvignuugen. We have scanned your vessel and find it most interesting. We wish to inspect your ship's computer records as we find your culture and technology fascinating."
Picard: "An excellent way to become acquainted." "Mr. Data would you please send the entire contents of our computer to the Farvignuugen vessel's computer."
Data: (with a puzzled look) Captain, our computer seems to be having a compatibility problem with the alien system." (He turns to face Picard) "I believe they are still using an antiquated system similar to an operating system from Earth's past known as the Amiga."
Riker: "I remember seeing those old machines once in a museum. They were well built solid computers and were well liked by a select few way back at the latter half of the twentieth century."
Picard: "I remember now, they were banned by the Federation because their simplicity of use gave the unwashed masses too easy an access to information." (Picard's face grows serious) "Shields up! Red Alert!" (an annoying klaxon begins)."Mr. Worf, target the enemy ship and fire all weapons on my mark!"
Counselor Troi: "But Captain, the Prime Directive clearly states that..."
Picard: "Stuff it Counselor! When it comes to computer systems there can be only one. What kind of a universe would we have if these other systems were allowed to survive?"
Alien: "Captain Picard, we are still waiting for the information."
Picard: "Oh yea? Well here comes your information, deal with it Pink Boy!" "Fire all weapons....Now!" (Cut to exterior shot of the Enterprise. Nothing happens) "What's happening down there Mr. LaForge?"
LaForge: "I don't know what's wrong Captain. One minute the system was up and running, the next thing I know it's flashing the words `Unrecoverable Application Error' over and over again. The system has crashed Captain."
Picard: "Get us out of here Mr. Data!"
Data: "Unrecoverable Application Error...Unrecoverable Application Error...Unrecoverable Application Error...(Repeats over and over as the Alien vessel repeatedly pummels the Enterprise with millions of dollars worth of special effects).......
And thus the curtain closes on The Enterprise and it's crew. As for the future, well we can only hope that the Amiga can stay alive long enough for people to start realizing what an incredible machine it truly is. As for people who argue over computer differences, here's something to think about; If the only people who ever put down the Amiga are people who have never owned an Amiga, and the people who have shelled out their hard earned dollars to purchase one all seem to love it, what does that say about the Amiga itself? To the Amiga and all her faithful users I say,"Live long and prosper".
Roll the credits.
Dr. Torgo